You might think that giving your statue a removable penis would be the last thing you’d want to do to discourage penis thieves, but this small French town has a plan.
Reinforcing Clouseau-esque stereotypes
Heracles killed the Hydra and the Nemean Lion, cleaned the Augean Stables, and with his bare hands captured a three headed hell hound from the underworld. However he is powerless against vandals intent on stealing his junk.
So they have come up with the idea of a removable prosthetic that can be attached to the main body for special ceremonies in the park.
“Considering Heracles’ fragile manhood,” the town’s deputy mayor Martine Phelippot added, “we’ve chosen to give him a removable prosthetic that we can add to the statue before each ceremony.”
“This is the best solution, otherwise you just end up constantly chasing after the anatomy of Heracles,” she added.
While no pictures of the new organ have surfaced yet, it’s understood that it will be removed after the ceremonies too, meaning you’d be a lucky tourist to catch a glimpse of it.
Schedule your vacations accordingly.
One has to wonder what sort of ceremony necessitates that statues be fully equipped, so to speak. “Jacques, you imbecilé. Bastille Day is ruined! You forgot to install Heracles’ ceremonial wiener.”
Speaking of penises…
Pissing and moaning in San Francisco
That open air urinal in a San Francisco park is still causing outrage.
The Chinese Christian Union of San Francisco filed a civil complaint last week demanding the city remove the concrete circular urinal from iconic Dolores Park.
The group says the urinal, which is out in the open and screened only with plants for privacy, “emanates offensive odors,” ”has no hand-washing facilities” and “it’s offensive to manners and morals.”
Doesn’t that pretty much describe most of San Francisco? Even the city attorney’s office understands this.
“If I had to predict the top 100 things in Dolores Park likely to offend these plaintiffs, I wouldn’t have guessed that this would make the cut,” city attorney spokesman Matt Dorsey said in the statement.
The two guys in biker chaps, spanking the person dressed as a rabbit can stay, but get that urinal out of here.
Twelve Curly Fries
Last week we witnessed conclusive proof that time travel is real and that someone is equipping ancient Mongols with stylish athletic shoes. Now we have learned that stealing food from Arby’s is another application for the temporal technology.
Dante Anderson was arrested after allegedly pushing an Arby’s manager, jumping over the counter and stealing chicken and bacon from the roast beef joint.
Oklahoma City Police’s Gay Knight told KOCO that Anderson said he was from four years in the future and that his actions are how people feed themselves in 2020.
Naturally. You can already see how history is pointing in that direction.
Not a single reporter asked if Anderson was wearing Adidas trainers though.