Phantom Sway

ABC is Remaking ‘Dirty Dancing’ and They Can Just Die and Go Straight to Hell

The long, slow death march of your childhood continues as Hollywood doubles down on turning all your most beloved movies and shows into shitty remakes no one asked for and no one sees.

Point Break (2015) starring some guy and that other guy and more guys doing EXTREME STUFF EXTREMELY

The Hitcher (2007) starring someone who is not Rutger Hauer and another person who is not C. Thomas Howell

Robocop (2014)…yeah you didn’t even know that one existed, did you? There’s a reason for that.

The Karate Kid (2010) starring Jaden Smith as Will Smith’s privileged son. Oh, and Jackie Chan as bo-bo Pat Morita.

Ghostbusters (2016)…otherwise known as the remake that shall not be named.

Why quit while they’re ahead? Behold, the first trailer for ABC’s television remake of “Dirty Dancing”, starring Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine, Zombieland, Scream Queens) as Baby and newcomer Cole Prattes as a low-rent Johnny. I guess ABC is depending on only people who have never seen the original to boost this turd because 12 seconds into this trailer it is painfully obvious that Cole Prattes is no Patrick Swayze. The chemistry between Breslin and Prattes in the few snippets of this trailer is pretty tepid. But maybe the full movie will tell a different story.

There are lots of other people you know in this painfully unnecessary remake. Hold on tight to your Care Bears and say goodbye to the last vestiges of your youth as you watch the ABC trailer.

RIP Patrick Swayze…and Jerry Orbach.

 

Kira Allen

When Kira isn't scaling the peaks of some of the toughest mountains in the world or exploring the Amazon rainforests she spends her time as a foster mom for her local animal shelter. Kira has volunteered for "Doctors without Borders" even though she isn't even a doctor or a nurse. Her mantra is "More speed, more height, more life..."
Just kidding....Kira is a writer, actor and suburban housewife and mother. Her mantra is "If I can't do it from the couch, is it really worth it?"

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