Phantom Sway

Awesome Movie Reviews by Mavis: The Mummy

I admit I’ll watch just about anything Tom Cruise is in. I know he’s nutty as a fruitcake but I love that crazy, dewy-faced bastard.

Oh, you’ve avoided this one because the fancy-pants “critics” didn’t like it? Whatever. Go see that new dumbass Transformers flick, then. Like we needed one more of those migraine-inducing assaults on our senses. Holy shit, I just looked it up – Do you know they’ve made five of those robo-turds?! And they have plans to make two more! For fuck’s sake, Michael Bay needs to be stopped.

This Mummy remake is waaay better than those cornball Brendan Fraser flicks from the late 90s. (Remember how Fraser managed to look either super-hot or like a total dope? What kind of witchery was happening there?)

 

I admit I’ll watch just about anything Tom Cruise is in. I know he’s nutty as a fruitcake but I love that crazy, dewy-faced bastard. Cruise plays a ridiculously attractive grave robber named Nick. Nick digs up an ancient Egyptian princess mummy who – Surprise! – is also ridiculously attractive. She looks like a 2017 supermodel. I hope my skin looks that radiant when I’m a four thousand year-old corpse. Mummy mayhem ensues. A chubby Russell Crowe shows up for some reason. There’s an interesting twist on “the curse”. I had a blast watching it. I may not be one of those smarty pants movie critics, but has Mavis ever steered you wrong?

This has been another awesome movie review by Mavis.

Mavis Lipschitz-Gutiérrez

Mavis Lipschitz-Gutiérrez is a parking enforcement officer and part-time pet psychic. She enjoys chain-smoking, scrapbooking, and watching horror movies. Mavis lives with her husband Harold and their cat named Connie (named after Mavis's sister, who is a bitch.) Mavis can be followed on Twitter at @MavisReviews.

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