Phantom Sway

And then it got weird: Top 5 Weird News Items for the Week of 8/31/2016

Frog nuptials, stinky lycanthropes, creepier than normal clowns, and more…

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Frog nuptials, stinky lycanthropes, creepier than normal clowns, and more…  

1. Least scary werewolf ever?

Woman says she ran into Hull werewolf Old Stinker

werewolf-151661_640Old Stinker? That’s not a name for a werewolf. That’s a name for your neighbor’s geriatric dog who’s too fat to take a dump without getting any on him, or maybe for your lactose intolerant grandfather. Werewolves need names like Old Throat-ripper or Old Face-eater. Old Stinker? That’s almost as bad as Moon Moon.

A woman has described the moment she came face-to-face with the notorious werewolf Old Stinker.

Jemma Waller, an animal rescue worker, was driving through the East Riding village of Halsham when she believes she saw the legendary creature. The 24-year-old said the beast looked like a big dog “with a human face”.

In May this year, the Mail reported how witnesses had claimed to see an eight-foot “half-man, half-dog” creature, dubbed the “Beast of Barmston Drain”, stalking land off Beverley Road in Hull. Folklorists then made the connection with the legend of Old Stinker, a werewolf said to stalk the Yorkshire Wolds.

“Beast of Barmston Drain” sounds a little better, but if he’s living in the drain that might explain the more aromatic moniker.

2.Speaking of old stinkers…

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If one of these guys asks you if you want to see his “collection” just pass.

Fart-Collecting Backpacks For Cows Look Silly, But They May Have A Serious Impact

Recently, the Consultative Group for International Agricultural Research released a report on this issue, urging farmers to drastically reduce emissions if we hope to meet the climate goals set by the UN earlier this year. With 1.3 to 1.5 billion cows living on this planet today, it’s going to take some serious ingenuity to reduce those malodorous emissions.

As it turns out, Argentines might have found a solution to save us all. According to Munchies, a few Argentinian farmers have strapped high-tech backpacks to their cows that effectively trap passing gas throughout the day. They have impressive holding power, too. One backpack can collect as many as 300 liters of methane per cow per day.

“Those global warming skeptics sure look foolish,” he said, while equipping his cow with a fart collecting backpack.

3. At least 50% of frog marriages end in divorce

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‘Bizarre’ frog-weddings for rain! It happens in Assam

Manoj Kumar Neog of Rongdoi village, who witnessed the frog wedding, told Express that crops in his village, as well as several other neighbouring villages, had been destroyed due to drought.

“People strongly believe that frog weddings cause rainfall. After the wedding in our village, dark clouds had enveloped our area, making us to believe that it will rain heavily. Eventually, it rained though it didn’t last for long,” he said.

Narrating the rituals of frog-wedding, Neog said about half a dozen wild frogs would be caught from the jungle, usually on the day of wedding. Then, some village elders, who are experienced enough, would identify the male and the female.

First off we have to applaud the headline writer for distinguishing “bizarre” frog weddings from all the perfectly normal frog weddings, but have you ever seen such a backward belief system? These people actually think they can impose gender roles on these frogs. I’ve never been so triggered. Or froggered.

By the way, if you grew up in the ’70s and ’80s you may recognize the voice of the reporter in that video. He narrated all those elementary school safety films that were always getting jammed up in the projector.

4. My Maine-aconda don’t want none…

What’s weirder than a huge python slithering around the wilds of Maine? An ANACONDA slithering around the wilds of Maine.

Apparently, yes. IS snakes out there that big.

Believed python perplexing Maine city actually an anaconda

A Texas scientist who ran tests on a large snake skin found in the Maine city of Westbrook says Tuesday the tests came back as “100 percent from anaconda.”

A big snake caused a stir in Maine when it was seen this summer eating a beaver along a riverbank. The discovery of a 10-foot snakeskin this month indicates it’s still lurking locally.

The scientist said the anaconda may be an escaped pet. Who has a pet anaconda? What super-villain has a  lair in Maine?

Bad snake! I said "STAY!"
Bad snake! I said “STAY!”

5. Clowns to the left of me, stockpile of anti-clown weaponry to the right…

If you live in or near Greenville, SC, you may want to keep a close eye on this story, buy a flamethrower, or better yet, just pack up and move right now.

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Clowns in any context are creepy. Clowns in the woods trying to lure children? That’s just satanic.
FOX Carolina 21

A clown appears to be trying to lure kids into woods in South Carolina

Donna Arnold, one of the people residing at the complex who received the letter, said she called the Greenville County Sheriff’s Office to come out to Fleetwood Manor after her son and others reported seeing clowns behind the basketball court.

“I thought my child was seeing things,” Arnold said. “And then the next day I had about 30 kids come up to me and say, ‘Did you see the clown in the woods?”

On the list of horrifying questions one could be asked “Did you see the clown in the woods?” ranks somewhere between “Who are you voting for in 2016?” and  “Oh my God, why are you covered in spiders?” 

 

Phantom Jim

Jim is a science fiction nerd, writer, blogger, jazz lover, artist, graphic designer, native of the east coast, and graduate of Virginia Tech.

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