Phantom Sway

XFiles Episode 2: Wait, What?!

If we thought we were getting a cohesive mini series with a continuous plot, we appear to have thought wrong. Not complaining, just observing. This seems to be an entire season of Monster of the Week episodes…for now.

We enter a corporation called Nugenics, which is not at all ominous, with Sanjay, who either has been on a serious bender or has the worst case of pinkeye since aliens abducted Cartman. Birds, our own Kira Davis’ favorite animal, congregate on the lawn behind a conference room window while Sanjay slowly loses his mind because everything is too loud. We know your feels, bro.

He then locks himself in a server room and downloads a shit ton of data while everyone screams at him to open the door. He continues to hear a piercing tone, then jams a letter opener into his own ear, predictably dying in the process.

Mulder and Scully turn up and are shooed away, but not before Mulder absconds with Sanjay’s mobile and makes a date with the frequently called Gupta. Gupta turns out to be either a male prostitute or secret lover, as Mulder discovered unceremoniously in a supply closet. Gupta, played by Chuck‘s Vik Sahay, discloses that Sanjay was worried about “his kids”.

Mulder and Scully follow the lead and discover an office filled with pictures of children with severe musculoskeletal deformities. Mulder hears the piercing sound and collapses on the floor, convinced Scully is telling him to find someone.

It is likely that many of you did not know the next episode was on the next night, so the next plot points discussed will be vague. M&S do end up finding That Someone, thanks to Scully’s doctor clout, a random pregnant woman, a lead on a suspicious character’s criminally insane wife, and Mulder’s keen observation of the cleaning crew. There end up being Two Someones, and when they meet, things literally explode, including the Bad Guy’s eyeballs. It was pretty awesome.

Some Huh? Moments:

1. How much time has passed? Scully was able to give all her earless children cases to another surgeon? Mulder invested in a suit wardrobe? And what of the earless children?

2. Where is Tad O’Malley? Does no one wonder what happened to Sveta?

3. Why are M&S having random William flashbacks?

4. Mulder summered in Rhode Island but never learned to do a convincing Kennedy accent? It’s virtually 5 minutes from Massachusetts!

5. WHO THROWS AN APPLE AT A CAT?!

Some XFiles Familiar Cozy Feelings:

1. The Department of Defense continues to be Public Enemy Number 1 in the XFiles universe.

2. Skinner. Just Skinner. He’s like the dad you just know will kick a bully’s ass for you.

3. “You’re never just anything to me, Scully.” Sigh.

4. Scully googles. Of course Scully googles. She probably has to do it for everyone in the FBI, too.

Things We Wonder For Future Episodes:

1. Will William make an appearance?

2. Will Giorgio Tsoukalos, and more importantly, his hair, make a cameo?

3. For God’s sake, does anyone in the show remember what happened in the first episode?!

4. WILL WE EVER SEE GIBSON PRAISE AGAIN?! Don’t you think we should see how Gibson turned out?

5. Is Doggett gonna take time off from baby sitting geniuses on that other show to come help M&S?

If none of these questions are ever answered, I’ll settle for telekinesis. Chris Carter can make that happen, right?

Kellie Jane Adan

KJ Adan is a writer in Los Angeles. She likes cats and tea length party dresses and Jesus and hugs and coffee and music. Turn offs include sensible mid priced sedans, monkeys, and Tom Cruise.

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