Phantom Sway

We Have a Critical Toilet-Iguana Update

Stay vigilant, America.

Here at Phantom Sway we strive to keep our readers informed about the growing scourge of toilet iguanas. The latest victim of the green, scaly menace is Florida resident and self described lizard-o-phobe, Dani Craven.

“All I could see were scaly, like a scaly tail. I couldn’t tell if it was an alligator or a lizard. I didn’t know.”

Craven, who slammed the toilet shut and piled bricks on top of it to prevent the reptile from escaping, said she has a phobia of lizards.

“I hate them. I am so terrified of them. I had a lizard jump on my face when I was five. So when people say ‘Oh its just a lizard,’ No! Its my worst fear. So that’s why I freaked out the way I did and I wasn’t gonna go near it,” she said.

A toilet iguana leaping on to your face would be as frightening as it would be unsanitary, but to her credit, Craven didn’t punk out like Ryan Zubrin did by calling 911 to handle his reptilian commode invader. Recognizing that it takes a village to combat the toilet iguana threat, she called her neighbor Shannon Walker.

Video of Walker’s bathroom heroism was posted to Craven’s Facebook page.

Stay vigilant, America.

James Lanka

Science fiction nerd, writer, blogger, music lover, artist, native of the east coast.

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Harriet Tubman is one of America’s most beloved historical figures but has sadly been largely relegated to just a few facts during Black History Month. This incredible ex-slave, spy, cook, nurse, public speaker and rescuer deserves a story worthy of her stature.

“Minty” – tentatively titled after Tubman’s nickname – is a “reimagining” of Harriet Tubman as an action hero. It is a period piece with a modern flare.