Phantom Sway

What in the Name of Publicity Stunt Hell are Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Doing, Exactly??

These two have the chemistry of a Lifetime remake of “50 Shades of Grey”…directed by James Franco

I don’t know if you’ve heard but Taylor Swift has a bit of a “reputation.” She’s a hit-and-run dater who likes to take the carnage of her relationships and spin them into radio gold. Her latest break-up with Adam Wiles AKA Calvin Harris started out pretty benign and friendly with the typical “I wish him/her the best” garbage, then moved to “a little rocky” and suddenly ended up in “Oh damn, this is ugly” territory.

Less than two weeks after the announcement of their split Tay Tay was “caught” with actor Tom Hiddleston cuddling and groping at her Rhode Island estate. Not only did it seem to come out of nowhere so soon on the heels of her split with Calvin Harris, it also looked COMPLETELY fake.

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Like Cher’s face kind of fake.

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Like Kim Kardashian claiming she loses baby weight with diet and exercise kind of fake.

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Like “Oh, the Bachelor is TOTALLY going to marry the final rose girl” kind of fake.

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Fake, fake, fake, fakity fake. I’ve seen more natural poses from Kylie Jenner’s bathroom on her Instagram page.

These two were together literally days and suddenly he’s flying to Nashville to meet her parents and she’s flying to England to go out for a TOTALLY NATURAL NOT-AT-ALL STAGED, loving, family walk with Hiddleston’s mother and apparently 100 random people – ya know, like ya do!

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Now the “This relationship is totally real!” tour heads to Rome? Hiddleswift (Swiftleston?) endured many wardrobe changes over their time so far in Rome to bring the world more “candid” photos of their love. How does the paparazzi ever find them?

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But why??? It’s one thing if they’re really in love but this is so quick on the heels of Calvin Harris, and so blatantly public and staged that it can’t possibly be a love match.

Some people are saying she’s just a beard, that Tay Tay likes to help gay celebrities shrug off those rumors of icky dude-on-dude love. She allegedly did it for Jake Gyllenhall (in another TOTALLY NATURAL photo op) …

634.Jake.Swift.mh.102512…and Hiddleston has long battled gay rumors so maybe now she’s doing the same for him. Some people collect stamps or help starving, asthmatic, dyslexic victims of tsunamis and some people collect famous ex-boyfriends and help gay dudes stay in the closet. We all have our calling!

This makes sense as Hiddleston has not been shy at all about desperately wanting to take over the Bond franchise from a retired Daniel Craig. Maybe he wants to quell those rumors while bringing more social media leverage to the negotiations.

Or maybe Hiddleston just wants to be more famous. Or maybe Tay Tay and Harris’ split was uglier than has been reported and she’s rubbing his face in something. Or maybe TayTay knows Tom is on the path to being the next Bond and she’s angling for that coveted Bond girl spot.

Its just all so ridiculously staged. Those two couldn’t have less chemistry if they were starring in the Lifetime remake of “50 Shades of Grey” directed by James Franco.

Whatever is going on, those of us who live on a steady diet of vodka, Captain Crunch and celebrity gossip couldn’t be more pleased.

 

 

 

Phantom Sway

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