Phantom Sway

Met Gala 2016: The Future of Fashion is Here, and it’s Awful

Celebrities and other people you’re too poor to know showed off the future of fashion for the 2016 Met Gala

The Met Gala was last night and all the stars and people who are too rich for peons like you and I to know by sight turned for the “Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology” exhibit.

The Gala is always an event that draws out the ridiculous and the sublime in fashion, but this year’s theme proved to be more of the former than the latter.

Both Anthony Wiener and Kanye West showed up for the event. Insert dick joke here. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! Here are some of the “highlights”.

If Pipi Longstockings grew up to be a methhead Calvin Klein model
If Pipi Longstockings grew up to be a methhead Calvin Klein model
Smith Kids
America’s greatest living philosophers, Willow and Jaden Smith
SJP bring pirate hooker glam to the Met
SJP brings pirate hooker glam to the Met
Selena Gomez starring in "Biker Housewives at the Met"
Selena Gomez starring in “Biker Housewives at the Met”
"Mr.Robot"'s Rami Malek looks too sharp in blue to ridicule.
“Mr.Robot”‘s Rami Malek looks too sharp in blue to ridicule.
The Olsen Twins starring in "Grey Gardens Goes to the Met"
The Olsen Twins starring in “Grey Gardens Goes to the Met”
Nicki Minaj, starring in "Ms.Dominatrix Goes to the Met"
Nicki Minaj, starring in “Ms.Dominatrix Goes to the Met”
Madonna is either trying to hard or just doesn't give a rip anymore
These days Madonna is either trying too hard or just doesn’t give a rip anymore
"F*** it. I'm Lady Gaga"
“F*** it. I’m Lady Gaga”
The Kardashians brought their very own robot to the Gala
The Kardashians brought their very own robot to the Gala
Kristin Stewart hates everything and her dress agrees
Kristin Stewart hates everything and her dress agrees
Kanye West as Billy Ray Cyrus as Kanye West
Kanye West as Billy Ray Cyrus as Kanye West

 

Katie Holmes as "Morticia Adams goes to modeling school"
Katie Holmes as “Morticia Adams goes to modeling school”
That's the last time Kate Hudson works on her scrapbooking before going out. Lady Gaga's buns have no comment.
That’s the last time Kate Hudson works on her scrapbooking before going out. Lady Gaga’s buns have no comment.
Don't who this is but we'll call her Saggy Crotch/Janky Braids Lady
Don’t who this is but we’ll call her Saggy Crotch/Janky Braids Lady
Idris Elba looking all kinds of hot...Hey, Kanye...LEARN
Idris Elba looking all kinds of hot…Hey, Kanye…LEARN
Florence Welch- singer and Planet Krypton refugee
Florence Welch- singer and Planet Krypton refugee
Emma Stone's gown designed by Xena: Warrior Princess
Emma Stone’s gown designed by Xena: Warrior Princess
Showing why she's the Queen B - Beyonce turns a mishap at the condom factory into high art
Showing why she’s the Queen B – Beyonce turns a mishap at the condom factory into high art
In America if you send dick pics to chicks who aren't your wife you'll still get invited to the Met and people will take your picture.
In America if you send dick pics to chicks who aren’t your wife you’ll still get invited to the Met and people will take your picture.
Alicia Vikander rushed to the Gala after her shift at "Ruby's Diner"...2075
Alicia Vikander rushed to the Gala after her shift at “Ruby’s Diner”…2075

Kira Allen

When Kira isn't scaling the peaks of some of the toughest mountains in the world or exploring the Amazon rainforests she spends her time as a foster mom for her local animal shelter. Kira has volunteered for "Doctors without Borders" even though she isn't even a doctor or a nurse. Her mantra is "More speed, more height, more life..."
Just kidding....Kira is a writer, actor and suburban housewife and mother. Her mantra is "If I can't do it from the couch, is it really worth it?"

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